Tramp Whistles

Since about the age of fifteen, young girls are thrown out of the innocence of puberty and into an unfamiliar new body. Don’t worry boys – this piece isn’t going to be about the inconvenience of periods (although I could probably write you an entire essay on that), it’s about something a whole lot more awkward. It’s about heckling.

And I’m not saying my only problem with heckling is its awkward premise – hell no. Many a peaceful walk back from the train station has been interrupted by some absolute joker honking their horn. I have to say it’s definitely a problem I encountered much more as a blonde. Yellow-headed ladies are quite easy to pick out, and therefore the obvious and rational action to take is to scare the absolute shit out of them by blasting a horn. And what the hell is the appropriate reaction to this? Should one yell ‘OH THANKS’ after the car? I like to make a point of staring potential horn-honkers out in traffic jams – a stern look that says ‘I am not a lady to be tooted’ hopefully keeping my journey honk-free.

But another embarrassingly awful heckle; the one it pains me to think about, is Tramp-Whistling. I understand you don’t have a job and your days must get pretty long, but it’s just embarrassing for everyone involved. As my dear friend A.O put it, ’what do they expect you to do? Say “oh hey, I know you haven’t washed in a while but I’ll definitely come sit on your face!”’.
What has to be the epitome of bad heckling is when it’s done face-to-face. Most common in builders, chavs and other underdeveloped forms of human DNA. Because it’s never something nice said. It’s never something a girl would genuinely take as a compliment. It’s just a reinforcement of some bloke’s masculinity, and the humiliation of the poor soul who’s heckled-at. I know some girls bring it on themselves, but is it really necessary? I will never forget the humiliating day some charming builder in Egham walked by me, gestured to his friend and said ‘...pair o’ tits like that’ – much the amusement of J.T, and much to the embarrassment of me. So guys, next time you consider shouting ‘ALRIGHT LOVE, NICE LEGS’ at some poor girl, just think about how undignified you’d feel if some Vicky Pollard shouted ‘ELLO DARLING, GET YA DICK OUT’ at YOU.